In The Mind Of Zig-Zag

Subject:	So much to do, not nearly enough time
Time:	2:17 pm.
Mood:	busy.

Taking a five minute breather because if I don't I may PASS out. That and I've been DYING to find time to sit down and update this journal.

Gotten a new job. Interviewed for it right before I went home to visit my family for Easter. Found out I landed the job while I was still away. First day was the 13th. At first this job seemed great and wonderful. That was until the boss finally came after being away my first week. Is he ANNOYING. He keeps telling me to do one thing, then changing his mind without saying anything, so then gets mad when I don't automatically know he changed his mind. Oh, and he'll say he never said for me to do the original instructions even though I would have never done ANY of it without being asked to first. Just ugh. Found out quickly that my one other co-worker can't stand him either. That she's thought of leaving the project multiple times because of him.

He also likes to over-work people I was warned. Glad I was. He's tried to get me to work every weekend. At first I didn't mind, needed some money but now it's getting stupid Told him no this weekend and good thing I did. I had plans to watch Titanic 3D and it was a lot of fun! The 3D was actually more distracting then awesome, but it was just fun to watch it in theaters again. The boom of the speakers and the fact that I didn't have to get up half way through the movie to switch VHS tapes. XD The one part at the beginning going through the ship wreckage WAS pretty cool in 3D, but otherwise it was just distracting. Painfully obvious this was not made to be in 3D.

My birthday is Tue and I'll be 26. Usually I'm freaking out by now, but I've been so busy it hasn't really sunk in. Even with that sentence. My dad is coming up to visit on Wen. I have Thr off from work so we can still go to the Marvel movie marathon still. Then I'll be at work Fri while he's here and then we have all of Sat together and then he leaves Sunday. @.@ My head is spinning. Between work, his visit, and my birthday I've just... ugh.

And I still have a bathroom, dishes, and my room to clean, wash, and sweep before I pass out in bed to work tomorrow. Wish me luck all.

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Subject:	Thoughts on RK's "New Kyoto Arc"
Time:	5:28 pm.
Mood:	annoyed.

So, someone gave me a link that showed me RK'S "New Kyoto Arc" and even though being warned by two other people about how bad it was, I just had to check it out for myself. Just to see HOW bad. Well, not only was it bad - it was BORING as all hell. Talk about telling and not showing. I hate the plot changes, but more than the plot changes do I hate it's the fact that this was basically 48mins of talking 10mins of credits and about 2mins of fighting. No. Not even fighting. 2mins of action that was NOT standing around talking.

I was so bored I had trouble even getting my anger up at the things that SHOULD have enraged me. I was THAT bored. I ended up playing with a plushie while watching to keep my hand from closing out the video several times. I kept thinking: Wow, this is going on and on it's gotta be over soon right? WHAT DO YOU MEAN I STILL HAVE 50MINS LEFT!?

For an example of this horrible telling and not showing. Usui walks up to Shisho and says he was busy killing 50 men. For a minute I actually was like: Is he joking? Just trying to be bad ass? He says it as a person who gets his ass kicked by a child, but then goes ahead and said it was 17 gangs with rocket launchers. WHY COULDN'T THEY HAVE SHOWED HIM KILLING THESE PEOPLE!? Even just one or two. I was bored I was DYING for some pointless slaughter.

They also did a pretty good job of making Kenshin look like a dick if you ask me. He let Misao follow him to see Shisho and doesn't even bother to ask her name until LATER. Huh, I just took you into a HORRIBLY dangerous place - btw, what's your name crazy lady? *headdesk* And this isn't the only reason if I hadn't watched the original anime that I probably would have thought Kenshin was suppose to be some asshole pretending to act nice.

Hiko was also painfully out of character too. Actually saying Kenshin did a good job. Granted Kenshin wasn't around for that, but it still killed me to hear him admitting that to people OUT LOUD.

Each of the fights that did happen didn't last longer than a minute or two. If you do watch it. Cry for Chou with me and how badly his fight is portrayed in this "retelling". Instead this new ova was too busy telling us what we should already know if you were a fan of the show. And if you weren't a fan of the show before, all you'd get from this is it's a bunch of people standing around talking about what just happened without showing anything interesting at all. Like: OMG! I JUST beat the crap out of this guy. No, I'm totally not going to flashback to my fight. It just happened two seconds ago, just take my word for it. But let me talk to you about it as monotone as I can because this does not call for excitement at all.

SPOILER!

One of my favorite fights in Kenshin is Saito versus Usui so it was a bit of a spit in the face when not only does Usui get killed by Shisho, BUT THEY DON'T EVEN SHOW THE FIGHT. The closest you get is a shot of Shisho swinging his sword once or twice. You don't get to see Usui use his technique. Nothing. He's just dead and wasted. Then as he's dying Shisho and him have this big "deep" talk that was just SOOOO stupid.

END SPOILER

whiteadelphi got it right. This piece of crap is worse than Seisōhen. At least Seisōhen was pretty to look at and had some fun moments to it. Yes, it completely missed target with everything after Kyoto, but at least it didn't try to totally re-write history that didn't need to be re-written. They at least tried to show SOMETHING new in a new way. It failed, but it had points you can enjoy. This thing though, it's so boring and has nothing but talk I really don't EVER expect to watch it again. At least with Seisōhen I can rewatch for the few scenes I did like. Even if that reviewing is rare.

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Subject:	A goodbye to the good life
Time:	2:34 pm.
Mood:	lonely.

So about a week or so ago I got the news that my only and little sister Casey is taking her turn to move out of the house. She's moving herself all the way to Ohio with her old boyfriend. At first it didn't really sink in. The thought of her moving a whole state away, but it's getting more and more real as the days go by. I'm a little worried and glad at the same time. A little worried because she has been babied most of her life and this time she'll be so far away it's going to take almost a full day for any of her family to get to her. She'll be going with Ray so that helps. He's a good guy, but he also has a kid, I wonder how he feels about leaving the kid behind with his ex. He's a pretty decent dad from the few times I've seen him with the kid.

Then there's Nick, who WAS her current boyfriend. If I'm being honest I liked him a LITTLE better than Ray. They're both good guys, but I just felt like he could take care of my sister better than Ray. I'm also rather angry at Casey for leaving him just because he just left for boot camp. He's going to in the air force and Casey decided she couldn't handle living that kind of life. She's the type that needs physical contact, but she couldn't have decided this BEFORE he left or talked to him about it? I don't think he was gone a full two weeks before Ray mentioned this job he got in Ohio and wanted her to come with him. I'm still not sure he knows, Casey is at least trying to figure out a way to talk to him face to face about this move rather than break up over a text or letter. I'll give her that credit at least.

Once the anger about what she did to Nick wears off then I start thinking about what this means for our family. Dad is handling it better than I thought he would. Instead of wallowing at the bar that his last daughter is finally grown up enough to move out of the house he made plans to come visit me during my birthday. Wow, dad never gets out of the house and suddenly he's making plans to jump on a bus for 7 hours and spend 3-4 days sleeping on the floor. Whoa. Mom didn't even suggest anything to him! I would say that's out of character for dad, but he's always been great at trying to run away from things that he doesn't want to deal with.

Mom is doing well. Already trying to make plans on what to do with our two rooms now that both of her babies are out of the house. I'm trying to be gentle in voicing my fears that those rooms are just going to get filled with clutter rather than be turned into home offices. I really hope she can get a cap on her hoarding problem, but I'm a little worried without me or Casey there who were always trying to get her to stop so we could get the house cleaned up and have people over might make it worse.

As for me, I'm losing one of the best friends I had back home. Me and Casey have always been very different. She's been into make up and high fashion, I've been into anime and games. Even so we've always gotten on wonderfully. A relationship of give and take. Me going on shopping trips I didn't want to go on and her playing multilayer games and being okay that she rarely wins. I've been having a lot of flashbacks lately of our childhood. Playing Chip and Dale on the Nintendo and having to carry her through the hard parts. Our game of Bambi where we pretended we were deer and we'd run through the fields from hunters. Of taking care of the pets together. Or just being there for each other the way sisters should. Riding the bus to school together. Finding old fossils in our stone driveway together. The time she broke her collerbone and I attempted to bury her in her favorite toys until mom could pull the car around.

It's hard thinking of those times being done, but I have to come to terms that they pretty much are. With just me out of the house, I could come home and we could go shopping or play Mario Kart together, but now that we're both moved out it's going to be harder to get together. We're both going to have to travel far to see each other. I'm going home for Easter in less than a week and it breaks my heart thinking that this will probably be the last time the family will be together again until MAYBE Christmas. If I'm not working by then/can take the time off and if Casey can do the same. And where will she stay? The house is too messy for Ray to stay with her. She'd either have to come alone or find somewhere else to sleep. And Casey hasn't seen the importance of spending time together like the rest of us. She doesn't have the same sense of how short life is like me and our parents do. She's more that she has all the time in the world thinkers, but she's also a live life to the fullest type.

Here's hoping that she enjoys the choice she's made in her life and the path she wants to go down. If she finds that she made a mistake at least she has a strong family to fall back on. It's the one thing I've always felt so thankful as I fight to make a living here in NYC. If I do fall I always and forever know I have a home I can go back to.

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Subject:	A good, good week
Time:	12:17 pm.

Last week I was busy and I've never been happier. I got asked to return for a week by my old internship to help them with a new mini project. I got paid 500 bucks for the week and it couldn't have come at a better time. As I had no idea how I was going to pay my rent before that. It felt great going to work each day. To be paid for what I went to school for. It was just the confidence boost I really needed. That someone wanted to pay me for what I could do. It was also nice to see my old co-workers again. They were so excited to have me back. I hope they get another project soon and need me again.

Then on Monday I had an amazing interview for Staples. Not my dream job in the slightest, but it will pay my bills and I'm so excited for it. He said he really liked me, but he had to see the rest of the interviews he had set up to be fair. He promised to call today if I got the job or not. I'm trying to be calm about the whole thing because if I get it I can finally eat more than ramen noodles, but if I don't get it I can spend more time looking for that dream job. It really is still fairly win-win. Also, this job will force me to play with photoshop more and make me more desirable for my real job.

Other than that the weather has been great. BEAUTIFUL so I've been out trying to get as much sun as I can. Spent a couple days reading at the beach. It's actually the first time I've ever walked out in a tank top in public. I don't think I've done that since I was ten, but between my new outlook on life, my sister showing me that I AM pretty, and my mom backing that up by giving me a little money so I can buy new clothes I decided to be brave and wear it. And you know what? I did feel pretty. A little shy as I swear it seemed like I was the only one in NYC ready for summer weather by wearing a tank top and shorts, but I still felt pretty.

I do really like my new outlook on life. I do also think that I have the anti-depressants to thank for that. I find that since I've been on them I have been more mellow. Feeling better about myself. I'm still the same person, but I don't get hung up on things like I use to. Like this morning I suddenly felt like crying for no reason and usually I probably would have spent an hour or so of the day wasted crying. Then I remembered I had forgotten to take my pill. While I still felt like crying, I took it, took a shower, and powered through it. Even if it's just a placebo and it was more me thinking it was going to help. I'm glad it's there.

So yeah, still keeping on tract I hope. I even found another website to look for work. I'm not spending all day in the house everyday. I'm trying to think positive. And I have a cute derpy kitty! And now, I'm about to go get some french toast.

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Subject:	Wait.... that's not how you spell Homes! Or Sherlock! Vash? What are you doing here?
Time:	11:47 am.
Mood:	amused.

Had a weird Sherlock dream last night. It was fun, but of course had moments where now that I'm awake make no sense at all. Then randomly at some point I dreamed up a scene I REALLY wish had been in the new Trigun movie.

It started off I think were I was camping. I was talking to some people and mentioned that one person was brave, but he said that he wasn't brave. The real brave person was his father, who just shook his head sadly and said that he was not really brave. That he had gone to some country in war because his aunt was there sick and he wanted to get her out. The dream then shifted to him running around this room FILLED with luggage as he narrated that once he got there that he had been too scared to even leave the airport. That the aunt had died before he could get to her, so he fled back home instead of trying to take someone else out with him.
( The beginning without Sherlock )

( Sherlock hates gummy bears )

And sadly that's when I woke up.
( Mini Vash dream )

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Subject:	Isn't this suppose to make me happy?
Time:	2:13 pm.
Mood:	depressed.

Today isn't such a good day. Started off bad last night. I've been sleeping more than I think is healthy, and it's been making me a little nervous. So last night I decided I'd try going to bed early and forcing myself up early. That was the plan until my back pain came back with a vengeance last night. I have a small curve in my spine and while normally the pain is annoying, but manageable, last night and this morning it was not. I was up every thirty to forty minutes to toss and turn for awhile before trying to fall back to sleep.

It didn't really help that I kept having dreams last night. Some where good, while others left me feeling confused and unsettled. Like people asking me questions I couldn't understand. Not knowing if I was awake or asleep. Not knowing where I was. I had one that woke me up in terror, utterly sure I was falling out of bed. That one left me clutching at my bed for awhile, trying to convince my over active brain that I was NOT falling out of bed.

Needless to say, I didn't get much sleep. So when I woke up at 9am - the latest I wanted to sleep to, I said fuck it and rolled back over.

When I finally did get myself out of bed and checked my emails I saw that a job I applied to yesterday left an email asking me to call. So call I did and was finding myself in a phone interview. At first I felt like I was doing pretty good, then it all went south. He asked me to rate how well i know FCP on a scale of 1-10. I've been told that I belittle myself too much. So I was thinking a 5.5 but said 7. Then he started to ask me about the integral workings of FCP and I totally boomed that. Then he started to ask me about my low GPA. Then of course I sound like I'm getting defensive when I say it had nothing to do with my communication courses, that I just didn't do well in science. I had to take those courses. He said he had more people to talk to and he'd get back to me.

It's what I wanted. I wanted a job, but now I'm sitting here wishing I don't get this job. Granted, it's just an internship. It's not a REAL job, not what I really wanted, but it would make me feel less useless around here. Yet here I am, scared to death to get what I've been trying for. It leaves me wondering if I can really do this. Or maybe I've just wasted my life trying to do something I can never succeeded in when I'm just so... mediocre.

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Subject:	Home again, home again, giggity jig.
Time:	12:33 pm.
Mood:	amused.

Been a crazy few days. I'm back at my parents again for a follow up appointment for the anti-depressants I was put on, and so far I feel the drugs are doing wonders for me. I never thought they'd change my outlook on life so much, but they have for the good. I haven't been around on the internet a lot lately and have even been slack about answering my tags. Usually I answer them as soon as they come in, but sometimes I'll wait hours as I'm too busy either cleaning, out running errands, or working on something to try to find me a job.

I'm really kind of proud of how productive I've been these past few weeks of being on the pill. I'm doing things instead of just talking about them. Yeah, i still get depressed when I look at my bank account and hear my roommates leaving for work, but these pills aren't suppose to be a cure all, just a small pick-me-up to get through the rough patches. Although that is the reason I haven't been posting or checking my journal as much as I usually do. Too busy being on the go-go-go!

Which I've missed posting about stuff I've really wanted to jot down like how I had a foot come crashing through the ceiling in my roommate's room and then a whole man two days after that a few days ago!

It started off over a week ago. I was just coming home from running around NYC taking care of some bills and grocery shopping. Had just sat down and was starting to eat some food when I heard a big bang. At first I didn't think much of it, as my landlord has been renovating the apartment upstairs and he and his worker have been banging around up there a lot. Didn't think much of course... until my roommate texted me saying our landlord just called her saying his worker put his FOOT though our third roommate's ceiling. So I peeked my head in and yup, there was a hole in the ceiling and a knock on the door of them asking to come in and fix it.

After a few hours that hole was fixed and my landlord came the next day to start putting a layer of paint on it. A few days later I was working on my demo reel when I heard another huge BANG. Only this bang was followed by a slew of: Oh God. Oh God no. Oh please, God, no. Oh no, God! Please God, no! Oh God. Oh God no!

I peeked open my roommate's room again to see a foot sliding up the ceiling and a huge hole in it's place. He had fallen almost all the way through again. I quickly threw on some clothes, as I had gotten straight to work on my demo reel that morning and was still in my PJs, and was just finishing brushing my hair when they knocked. Poor guy is now banned from working in any rooms that has the floor torn out until the floors have been replaced, so here's hoping there's no more holes in our ceiling anymore.

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Subject:	Make way for the world of fish men
Time:	10:18 am.
Mood:	rejuvenated.

Had a very surreal and odd dream last night. It started off with me at my old job. I was talking with my old coworker/boss Sarah as we walked around the park doing cleaning type things. Then she delegated that my other coworker Eric should start weedwacking, I should head to the paddle dock and rake the leave out, while she cleaned the bathrooms. We all left to do our chores, I wasn't exactly looking forward to mine as the paddle dock is just a square wooden area with a picknick table in the middle that was set up so canoers could pull their canoes up there. Not that anyone ever does that, but at least it's near the water.

So I started raking up the leaves and making the area look nice. I got done with one side when I noticed that there weren't as many leaves as normal to clean up. Then I noticed that the water level was high. Really high. It was coming up and swallowing the corner of the paddle station. I took a picture of it with my cell phone before I ran up the hill because I knew this was something Sarah just had to see and be as amazed as I was.
( It it just kept coming )

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Subject:	Born to shop
Time:	6:57 pm.
Mood:	blah.

Yesterday was fun. Originally I had planned to go up to Watertown with Autumn to stop by the bus station to buy a ticket for Sunday and drop a box of books off at Salvation Army. Then we thought we might go watch Beauty and the Beast in 3D for fun, but she ended up having to go shopping with her dad. I don't blame her, we're going back to NYC and won't be able to see our families for awhile soon.

So mom volunteered to go uptown with me, only she didn't want to go to the movies. Fine with me, the movies was just extra anyway. The first stop we made was at our local Dollar General to pick up a couple things we needed. Mom even bought me some make up to complete the small collection she's been finding me on sale.

On the way to the city we stopped at the cheese store to pick up cheese curd. Man, I'm going to miss cheese curd, it's so yummy and I can't find a place that sells any in NYC. From there we swung by the bank so I could exchange some coins I rolled for mom that we went across the parking lot into Panera bread to spend on lunch. OMG, I love how yummy their soup bowls are. So yummy. While we were sitting there Casey texted us so we got her a soup bowl to go. She works at the FYE in the mall and she was so excited to have such a delicious lunch instead of the sandwich she had brought with her. While we were at the mall mom wanted to stop into Verizon to contest a charge she thought they unfairly charged her.

While she was doing that I looked at all the phones because mine has been acting up just a bit lately. When an associate came up and started pushing me on the smart phones. I told him he was looking at the wrong person that I was not interested in smart phones because I HATE touch screens. I just want a cell phone that made phone calls, and maybe GPS, but I didn't want to pay an insane amount extra each month for just that. That's when he showed me phones that aren't touch screen OR smart phones, but also have GPS. O.o But I was not prepared to think of getting a new phone today!

But Greyhound's ticket window in our city is only open from 2pm to 3pm so mom and I decided to think on it and go check in with them. Turns out their a Trailway office and can't honor Greyhound ticket vouchers, but the station in Syracuse is. So I'll have no problem exchanging it there. Then we swung around to Salvation Army to dump off this huge box of children books we had found in the cellar. It was bitter sweet, some of those books had been my favorites as a kid, but I couldn't keep it forever. I also couldn't stand to just see them thrown out, so I hope they get bought and give other kids happy.

Since we were there we also popped in and I bought some new work pants. Then we sat in the van for a long, long, LONG, time as I beat myself over if I wanted a new cell phone or not. Which turned out good for my cousin Terri as her mother called us asking if we could pick up some meds for her and drop them off at Terri's house. So we drove to Rite Aid where mom found a RED make up bag and it was on SALE. 8D Have I mentioned red is my favorite color and I have all this make up that I've suddenly acquired? Mom said it was fate and bought it for me because she knew I wouldn't.

While also standing in line for the medicine we decided we'd go back and look at the phones one more time. Maybe without being rushed I could make a better decision. Back to Verizon we went and after a lot of looking and a lot of questions I actually found a phone with GPS which is CLOSE to my old phone.

O.o I bought a new phone. I was not expecting this.

We went to see Casey one more time before we left to make sure she didn't need anything else brought to her before we left the city. Found out one of her co-workers is someone I use to take Taekwondo with! Only she didn't seem to recognize me so I didn't say anything, thinking maybe I was wrong. Then Casey texted me sometime after I was home and said she had asked if that was me and she DID recognize me. Derp. Go us.

The last thing we did was to drop Terri's medicine off to her. It was a little awkward because Terri is who I have dubbed: Stalker Cousin in the past. It was snowing so we got to use that as an excuse to get out of there before the snow got too bad.

I still can't believe I got a new cell phone.

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Subject:	Come on get happy
Time:	6:36 pm.
Mood:	cold.

Today was a fairly good day. To start with I had a GREAT mail day. Not only did I get the two free items I got off ebay with the leftover ebay bucks I had from buying the computer in the mail, but I also got my voucher from greyhound in from when I changed out my tickets. AND I got a secret piece of mail of FREE MONEY! How is this you may ask? Well, some time ago my bank sent out a letter saying if you made three charges on your charge card in Nov they'd send you 25 dollars on a visa card. I did this, but never saw the money. Anyone I asked at my banks had never heard of this promotion. I had the number to the head office, but haven't gotten around to calling it just yet. I didn't think the money would ever come, BUT IT'S HERE! Muw ha ha! 8D YAY!

And the two items I bought? One is a keyboard cover for my computer. I spent good money on this work computer and I'm going to protect it! So this will help the keys from getting sticky. 8D And it was only 5 cents! The second was the complete collection of Sonic the Hedgehog on DVD!!! 8D I can't wait to start watching it!

I also had my doctor's appointment today to talk about starting me on some anti-depressants. I'm not sure my peptalks to myself are just enough anymore. I'm a little uncomfortable with the idea of chemicals in my body changing me in anyway, but if it will help make my life better I'll give it a shot. My doctor was very nice and I think I'll like going to her. She was very understanding of my needs going back and forth from NYC. She also eased me into some of the sensitive questions she had to ask me. XD She also apologized that she had to put down that I was obese on my paperwork. Even though I kept telling her it was alright, I've always known I'm obese and that I wasn't insulted.

So yes, I now have anti-depressants. I've taken the first does so we'll see how this goes. I know this isn't an overnight fix, so I'll give it a month or so.

After the visit mom and I went to the grocery to pick up my meds and a COUPLE groceries, that turned into a HUGE cart full! I don't know why, but I had a lot of fun this time shopping with her. Maybe it was because I was feeling better that the appointment was behind me. We just kept cracking jokes and were just happy.

The one bad, horrible, and unspeakable bad part of the day.... I HAVE TO GO BACK IN FOR BLOOD WORK! Of course they went to check out my thyroid and cholesterol, but.... ugh. If there's one thing I'm bad at when it comes to doctors is blood work and IV taking. It freaks me out UNBELIEVABLY bad. So really not looking forward to Monday. Dreading it in fact. Hm, good thing I have happy pills?

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Subject:	Skyward Sword Sillyness
Time:	12:21 pm.
Mood:	amused.

So dad has been watching me as I play through Skyward Sword. It can be fun! Reminds me of the time that we would play Legend of Zelda together. Only he doesn't yell at me anymore when I lose my shield and just laughs if I get in a hurry and fall off a cliff. Other times it's really annoying as he's a loud big child for the most part. During one major cut scene he kinda kept taking me out of the mood I was enjoying getting into by yelling about how Zelda must be some kind of tramp to do that to poor Link.

But still mostly fun. Like last night when trying to do a side quest that required me to catch bugs under a time limit. After failing the first time and getting ready to try again dad made a point.

That guy knows that bug isn't his! He should just give it back! Link should just stab him and take it! Punishment for stealing. Geeze! Doesn't this guy know Link has to save the world and he's making him chase after bugs!? Just stab him Link! The guy looks puny and you're on an island all alone in a thunder cloud. <I>No one would know!</I> Stop chasing bugs and go save the world already!

It's a good point. It amuses me so much sometimes how people don't seem to understand that Link is trying to save the world! Not to mention how much faster things would go sometimes if Link would stab people. Then again... he probably wouldn't be a goddess chosen hero if he acted like that.

Still...

Dad is also amused that Link is a PLAYER in that I got the item check girl to think I'm in love with her when it's obvious Link and Zelda are suppose to like-like each other too XD

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Subject:	Really? Just like that?
Time:	11:58 am.
Mood:	anxious.

So the last couple weeks I've been in a bit of a panic. My unemployment had run out and I kept getting delayed answers if I qualified for the new extension Obama just okayed. Holidays and what not. Then I checked my information again today and finally, FINALLY it was shown as going through. Then right in the middle of my happy shouting and attempt to text mom at work to let her know I could pay my own rent this month I got a phone call.

It was a job interview for Payless shoes who I just sent in my application in yesterday. Really? After all the past job applications I put in the last few months with NO response suddenly I get a 24 hour turn around?

I'm speechless and not sure how to feel right now. A job. A job will help me not feel like a bum. But I JUST got this unemployment back. So all that stress and worry thinking I wasn't going to get it back was all pointless now? If I get a job that's more than on-call I'll be losing that. But then again, I so would rather work for my money. It's just UGH! All that heartache!? Really?

Then the job is also not at the location I requested. Not the one that's a nice 30minute ride away. No, it's one that is going to be close to an hour to get there. Ugh. Annoying.

But the thing that hurts most of all is now I have to rush back to NYC. Dad is upset, he was hoping I'd be staying a few more weeks. I was hoping to stay a few more weeks. Mom is sad because she was thinking of maybe coming back with me at the end of the month to visit me for a few days. Now I have to ride the bus back on my own instead of with Autumn. I'm also going to miss my dad's side of the family Christmas party that was going to be this weekend.

But, it's a job. I just can't turn a blind eye on the opportunity. As much as it sucks that my vacation has been cut short I'm sure if I like the job in a few weeks I'll be happy I took this chance.

I just... have no idea how I should feel right now. One moment I'm bouncing around super excited at possibly having work again, the next I want to sit in a corner and cancel the interview so I can stay with my family a little longer.

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Subject:	Favorite Christmas Memories
Time:	9:38 pm.
Mood:	happy.

So decided to make my first post here a happy one! These are my top three favorite memories of Christmas.

The first one to start out happened last year. I went to church around 6pm with dad and my aunt Judy, Uncle Dar, and cousin Logan on Christmas eve. We were all in the car headed home, talking quietly about if Logan had been a good boy and what he asked Santa for when suddenly, breaking through the quiet was-

IT'S SAAAAAAAAAAAANTA! I SEE HIM! IT'S SANTA! I SEE HIM! I SEE RUDOLF!

What he was seeing of course was a red blinking light on a radio tower, but boy was he excited. There was a moment when he questioned why Santa wasn't moving, until dad quickly countered that Santa must be stopped on someone's roof! Oh boy, that got Logan even more excited. He kept saying how we had to hurry home and go to sleep or we might miss him!

He was so cute. When he got home he had to run inside to check and make sure Santa hadn't gotten there yet.

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The next memory was the day my sister and I got letters from Santa in the mail. We were so excited to get them. They had been typed up on a computer, and back then - that was unheard of! At least anywhere else besides businesses. So we were SURE it must have come from Santa! We didn't know anyone who owned a computer! Of course in the end they were from mom, and they were so sweet. Just a little letter telling us to be good kids because Santa was always watching. Mom was always great at doing little things to make us feel good. Those letters were awesome.

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The other was the year I got my Power Wheels. It was all I wanted and I was SOOOO excited when I woke up that morning and saw the giant package next to the tree. Of course mom and dad wouldn't let me open that one until last. I tore it open like a madman and IT WAS A POWER WHEELS! I was beyond excited, that was until I realized the box was empty!!!

Mom and dad teased me for a bit, until dad finally went: You know what? I thought I heard noises coming from the basement last night. So down I ran, and there sitting in my basement was my very own power wheels!!!! All assembled and ready to ride! I didn't have to wait for anyone to put it together for me. I rode that thing all day long.

I really have to hand it to mom and dad. I really don't know how they did it every year. To give me and my sister such amazing Christmases for so long. I hope if I ever have kids I can do as half as well as they did. I love the magic and dreams that Santa can bring to children.

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Subject:	January 3rd, 2004
Time:	11:36 am.
Mood:	disappointed.

Man, hard to believe. That in about 12 days I will have been a member of LJ for 8 years. For those 8 years LJ has always been the site I've visited the most. Sites have come and gone and about the only sites I still visit often from that day being Dominic Deegan, Foamy the Squirrel, and some verision of AOL. Even the web browser I chose to use back then has changed. LJ has been my favorite website for so long I never thought I'd think of leaving it. Not even for a moment. The closest I came was fearing that one day it would crash and never come back.

Sorry, yes, that last paragraph was probably over dramatic, but I guess it's all REALLY hitting me. How much I've used and had LJ in my life. Not to mention how many friends I would make because of LJ. I can still clearly remember stumbling on this site and thinking it would be fun. In fact my first entry was one saying I doubted anyone would read this journal, but look how many people I have listed as a friend already! Not to mention all the friends I've made through LJRP.

Things like that mean so much to me. That's why I've been so sickened by the way LJ has been treating this whole 88 update thing. Honestly? I could have gotten use to the comment page. I would have request a few changes, but for the most part - yes. Gotten use to it. It wasn't that bad once they fixed the migraine problems. But to see people basically mocked for raising concerns about this, for not being given any warning, and continued to be ignored?

I'm not leaving just yet. Like others I want to see if LJ will EVENTUALLY listen. To stop acting like their paying customers don't matter, but I have made DW accounts. It's the same as this one zig_zag123. If they don't apologies for the treatment of their customers or make some changes, I'm not sure I can stay any longer. I've also turned off my automatic payments. Hopefully they won't get turned back on.

Just my own personal insight on the emotional effect this change has made on me. When I first heard of the removal of subject lines thanks to someone translating the Russian for me I thought - Damn, that's going to suck. Oh, well. I would not have guessed I would be making this journal entry a week or so later.

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